**This is not a post about sexuality, gender but just a snapshot of a feeling, at the time of this IG post in March, 2020
I used to ‘hate’ being a girl. As a child, I used to feel and look much more like Mowgli from the Jungle Book but as I age, I’ve wanted more and more from my little girl, from my feminine side. As I consider where I was at the time, it was more the reaction to me as I got Work in progress.
Having such natural ability from an early age in certain athletics, I stood out at school, into high school but I soon hid and went into writing and music. Not really returning to athletics except, rec co-ed softball and until MMA/Ju Jutsu in 2009. Back then it was a bit different to be better and stronger than the boys, you were teased, I am sure in some circles, people still are but they were much less excepting of a girl, showing such strength, especially when it aligned with more of what most boys could do.
It was very confusing for years because I wanted to express my femininity and for me those felt more like masculine expressions internally. And when I did express my femininity, I received attention I didn’t want, or I was made fun of because I didn’t always do it well.
My struggle with binging, over eating, depression was a direct result of my want to not feel. To not feel the stress of this. Did you know Carbs, signal the body to relax? They actually help to quell stress which is a reason a lot of us reach for them for comfort.
Today, I’m proud of my body, my skills, though not to my ultimate goal, I love being a woman, I love my vulnerability and I love my strength.
Here is to all the women who are fighting any number of horrific or challenging situations in the world. Those that want to just be, to live a better life, who are confident and kind, to themselves and all those around them.
In 2022, to the women of Ukraine who are fighting and those that are fleeing trying to protect their children. Your strength can only be matched by those that fought before you.
EveryThing McNutt 