I had my First of many performances in front of a live audience, in high school. I was so nervous, I forgot to turn the volume up on my borrowed guitar.
What very few knew was that I would walk around with crippling anxiety for days, weeks before a gig. I would make myself sick with tension headaches, stomach upset, sore throat, upper respiratory ailments. Everything that stress and anxiety do to you.
Sometimes, it felt as if all I could do was get through the show. I was so emotionally drained afterwards from the performance anxiety, I rarely felt a sense of enjoyment, peace. I couldn’t wait to relax, stop and get fast food, one of my vices or smoke cigarettes, when I was smoking. The fear was crippling and not a way to live. So, I started trying to avoid that feeling, so performing suffered.
Opened a Sketch Comedy Show, Long Beach, CA, 2018
I moved back to California, to focus on my songwriting, and develop my self defense teaching, speaking. After I left my unhealthy relationship I started performing at some open mics and was asked to open up for Cruz Teaches Improv Group. No amplification was a little challenging but this prompted me to really dive into my fear of performing. I did not want to be miserable leading up to it. This led me to discover Ted Talks, (yes newly discovered in 2018) Mel Robbins, Lewis Howes, etc.. I listened to The 5 Second Rule 3 x….
So I implemented the rule and I focused on being excited to play in front of people. I kept telling myself this and before the show, I felt pretty neutral. I don’t know if I have ever felt more in my body for a performance. As the time approached, I stepped outside and told myself, “you can do this and actually enjoy it. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Go.” And I did!
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EveryThing McNutt 